Friday, February 29, 2008
my granny
a classic hypocrite
i hate her
i mean it
because in all my life she had never treated me nicely
without an intention
well she threatened to kill me when i was a baby
who wouldn't have that kinda grudge?
she is just simply annoying
i mean can't she nag herself or something
she must come and demoralize me with her threats
and stupid comments about my friends
they say the older you grow the wiser you get
i beg to differ for my granny
she is always biased
whatever my bro does
he always get away
whatever i do right or wrong she has to come buy and nag
till my ear bleeds
her motive is just money
let me tell you why
well
for starters
my parents pays her to take care of us
clean our laundry
clean the house
sweep mop whip
and give us our allowance
unfortunately for us my granny is a heavy gambler
talk about being wise
trying to tell me whats right or wrong
how hypocritical can she get?
not only that
i have to do her freaking job for her!!!
fold the clothes
iron the clothes and shit
i don't even get paid
i can't even watch tv when she's around
she'll say
you've been watching the tv the whole day
not cleaning the house
not helping me do the laundry
like wtf?
then when i ignore her she'll call m mum and freaking complain about me
i's so damn infuriating because my bro gets to sit on the comp all day long
an even get pampered by her
hello i have a job??
she would never begin to understand me at all
she have to nag at me for every darn thing
and the fact was i only spent an hour watching tv
i don't see why there's any point in nagging at me
when i don't bother listening to her crap
because it's truly meaningless
she doesn't worship the Lord
in fact she worships buddha?
so why must i take wise words from someone like her?
what's irritating is when im on the phone and she's nagging at me
for being on it the whole day
apparently th whole day meant 30 mins and more
why can't she leave me alone?
well i decide on my own life
and i think that listening to her isn't gonna benefit me in anyway
because she i just repeating about things that i already know ages ago
so spare me the lecture
it's like she gets irritated when im enjoying something
then today
i was on the phone
with my friend
she came in already started complaining
about me wasting my mums money and shit
then she assumed that i was talking on the phone the whole day
so the last straw was that she threatened to cut my allowance
the thing is
i haven't been on the phone often
since im working all the time
so i don't have time to enjoy talking to my friends
i'm really pissed
because she's blaming me for something i did not do
she is really really horrible
i cant talk on the phone
i cant blog
i cant sleep
i cant be myself!!!
imagine how painful it is to not be yourself
minutes ago when i was blogging
she asks me to go study
then i ask her how
because i have no books no whatsoever
plus i read every freaking day
like what the hell she keeps boasting about shit
thinking that i care o.o
well i don't
people think that my granny is really nice
but the fact is she's just wearing a mask
so to give you that impression and delusion
so the best are my cats
who loves me so much
they don't nag whatsoever
they totally understand me
they are God's gift to me
although my granny may be nice at times
but all in all she is unreasonable
please, i live with her all my life
don't think that you know her more then i do to judge her
and me
2:10 PM
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
sheesh i haven't been eating chips for quite some time now
my friend was like omg eunice!!
you seemed to slim down
i was like all my other friends say otherwise
so she grabbed a packet of potato chips
and started munching because
i visited her house this afternoon
then a horrible realization struck me rocking
i have not been enjoying the likes of junk food
aka potato chips
omg!
it totally slipped my mind
that's what got me slimming
not over eating or gluttony
but fat eating fat kinda situation
junk food was practically part of my life
and how unbelievable was that
it no long appeal to me anymore
i don't have the need to eat it or crave for it
im just
over it
amazing!!!
even if i was over eating
or i had a huge appetite
chips and carbo were the huge contributors to FATS
so dear teens try to cut down on junk foodXD
i think the main reason for me losing tastes for junk food
is immensely due to the fact that im working
quite a lot
so it actually drags me away from eating junk food
because i don't have anymore to sit down
and chow on chips
with the satisfaction that you can't stop
everyday i have to eat solid food to get me going
to provide energy for my body
but
still
im eating 1 meal a day
hahahaha
i know
i thought ill be eating dinner
but no
my metabolism
is still similar to whence im in schoolXD
soooo
damn happy
NOT ONLY THAT
recently i've been shopping for quite a lot of stuff
well i had the urge to feel sexy so i considered getting a g string
i know!!!
but it's all cool
so when i got my pay
it was reading because i couldn't immediately draw cash
in fact!!
i had to wait for 2 days just because i hand in my check late
i was horribly disappointed
but i guess i was patient enough to wait for 2 days
and the rewards seem truly appealing
so i ended up squandering all my money
on my undergarments
and quite a few clothes
and a few other stuff
i realized that i really missed sushi
i mean in secondary school
i have to have at least 1 sushi daily
i loved sushi a lot
it's beautiful together with wasabi
i just ate it this afternoon
a long with one of the tastiest donuts
i have ever tasted!!!
an i can't help myself
i had to get one!
completely coated chocolate that's so fluidy
it tasted soo good
especially the chocolate
i realized that g strings are awfully hard to come by
it's like it may be outta fashion or something
so it's really scarce
i love thongs XD
i have been telling the whole world about it
plus i just got off the phone with my sweet boyfriend
who decides to call me before sleeping
he is soo cute because he mutters incoherent stuff
so we were talking about our day
what happened in his
what happened in mine
we kept it lightly because he was really sleepy
exhaustion does that to everyone
that's what i told him
my dad was in close proximity
so i couldn't talk about more discreet stuff
for fear of being overheard
so we practically kept it short and simple
exchange sweet nothingness
and he was off to dreamland
where as i am currently entertaining you with my life
i did complain to him how much i missed school life
and how terrible it is to work daily
thank goodness i have an off today
so i can go out and have fresh air or something like that
you know
not end up like Gerald yesterday
he seemed truly worn out
i mean i was out shopping on Monday
came back on Tuesday to work
feeling awfully pleased with myself
and there gerald was looking tired and disorientated
so much for his working pays off a lot theory
i realized that i needed to go out and let my body rest
poor Gerald
overworking himself
i told him he was gonna become ill
he probably needed a day off
or 2
i got 2 and absolutely enjoying it with my friend
i now believed God ill provide everything we need
after reading the teens rpg that were issued out to us
not too long ago
it's really handy at times
kinda boost your faith in the Lord at the same time
learn more about Him
He protects us from harm
what we realize is that we often a times take the Lord for granted
which is truly sad
some of us are blessed my Him
but cannot see it
well about 5 years ago
i wanted a cat very badly!!
because i ever so loved cats
i feed stray cats everywhere i go
like today
there was this adorable looking stray
as i was walking home
i notice it lying on the side of the wall
it was odd
because i think one of his eye got injured
because cleary he couldn't open that eye
so i went closer
i noticed a little puss oozing out of his right eye
and he was meowing to me
so i meowed back to him
so out of sympathy and compassion and love for all cats
i bought him food
guess he was starving
back to my story
i loved cats a lot
longing for one really badly
asked God to give me a pet cat cause i really love them
so one day during teakwondo
i was interrupted by my fellow classmates
that there was a kitten
me being a fan of cats
had to go see it
so i sneaked outta class with my classmates
to the vicinity of the situation
then
there was this cute little ginger kitten
that was hiding in between the 2 vending machines
it looked horribly terrified
never have he been surrounded by many of us humans
so as timid as a rat this little kitten was
he huddled in the back hoping that no one could reach him
wishing we could all go away
but that was impossible for him
because that's when God brought us together
i saw those cute round golden globes
in that small head of his
along with his ultra thin elegant body
he stayed at the back
so i tried to convince him to come out
so he won't be afraid
slowly and gently i persuaded him
so he came out not running away but into my hands
because i seem to be his refuge
i was victorious
so i ended up with this cute little fur ball
which grown up to be a big fat cat
God did answer my prayers
and this cute cats name is dumbnut
who ended up with a wife named dumbroad
and 3 children 2 girls 1 boy
dumb dee dumb, dumb dee dee ,dumb dumb dee
9:22 PM
Monday, February 18, 2008
haha
my boyfriend and i made up after several argues with him
so im practically fine now
well it really did hurt bad but he clarified my doubts
it turns out that he did buy me roses on valentines day
the day when i was soo infuriated as well
working and working
soo damn pissed
he told me he was camping outside cafe cartel
to send me those pink roses
but in the end he didnt
he didnt want to distract me
so all along he was there
but i didnt see him
i thought he was at home or soomething
but not there watching over me
it was so touching
so moving
all the while i thought that he didn't really care or even bother
but i was so horribly wrong
he told me i wasn't the one regretting it
so after work today i received the info about that day
it was a misunderstanding
he missed me equally as bad as me to him
he wanted it to be a surprise
ohh but what bad timing he had
so in the end i hadn't known
at all till this very day
till those roses died like 2 days ago haha
how sweet...
you wanna know why he finally told me till this day?
because he read my blog
so he felt that he needed to clarify my doubts so he did
lol
and he felt the church atmosphere a little chilly for him
but now im fine XD
on sunday i was dead tired to even get off of bed
to get to church
boy my whole body was freaking aching
suddenly jacob asked me to meet him at my void deck
i was wondering
shouldn't he be in church
but the truth is
he needed to rush off to get his new house done
so when i met him downstairs
he passed me a little plastic bag containing
panadol LOL
menstrual
and the original panadol for headaches
then he told me panadol fixes everything
i was like only for you haha!!
then he rushed home
im still a little sick
i think being sick sucks
because you can never really show your full potential
not only that
you would appear weak
tell me who loves being weak?
no one
so people
better live a healthy lifestyle
because its all within your body
if you treat it well itll treat you pretty much the same
oh yea and God heed a lot
when im in serious difficulties
plus i watched gossip girls and it was so awesome
it's about not really gossiping the scandals in Manhattan
more about what these four popular and rich kids face in their daily lives
it all started out when serena who's best friends with bliar
they study in outstanding schools
then there's Nathaniel Bliar's boyfriend since kindergarden
it's been rumored that nate has a thing for serena
these are super popular rich teens with their own party or ball
whatever
then one day
serena and nathaniel had sex
mind you nathaniel and bliar hasnt even went that far
so bliars stilll virgin
shows how strong the thing nate has for serena is pretty huge
so serena who's soo filled with self guilt
confusion
worrying for her would be an understatement
i mean sleeping with your best friend's boyfriend isn't right
the idea is already wrong
so she was experiencing moral dilemma
and self conflict
and the thing is bliar hadnt known
at all
so serena finally decided
to leave
town
hiding from reality
claiming that she went to boarding school without saying good bye
to her best bud
which cause tremendous hurt to bliar because she was facing difficulties
so serena was gone
and now
she returns
her life will never be the same again
6:28 PM
Sunday, February 17, 2008
1:22 PM
Friday, February 15, 2008
Today was an emotional wrought of my life
basically i found out it was the time of the month
and it flooded like crazy!!!
then i got into a fight with my boyfriend
so much so that it brought tears to my eyes
because not only did it hurt emotionally
it hurt physically because i had cramps
really bad ones
but
the emotional distress was mainly the one that did screwed my day up
mostly it was the excruciating pangs in my womb
contracting like nothing before
it hurt so bad that i couldn't do anything right at all!!
i hated it because it made me weak and incapable of performing my duty
thus many people had to help me
get through the day
it was that bad
i could not stand it at all!!!
it just keeps getting worse
firstly i was lost and vulnerable
secondly my body wasn't able to do work
it's like i'm badly woundd in every aspect
it was a harsh day
but i left work
then shopped for a tube dress
since i had the money
so i tried on some of the tube dresses
now want something to make me look pretty
not pregnant
eventually i found one but it was black
then again i'm ok with it
so i thought of getting skinnies to wear it with my boots as well
so i tried on many pairs of different designs
boy were they tight!!!
so after moments of fickleness i finally got something light
to contrast my black boots
it was indeed one hell of an exhausting day
i ha and urge to drop dead for awhile
but i couldn't give up
i felt so hopeless
guess the cramps and the emotional wrought left me mentally unstable
not to mention absolutely vulnerable
well my boyfriend means a lot to me in every way
so much more then you know it
9:39 PM
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Valentine's Day was a bomb at cafe cartel today
me being the cashier...almost at the point of screwing up...
it was extremely exhausting
i had to work for the entire day
truly sad
because i just found out the significance of this day
how much love ,happiness and hope i discovered
i was distraught because i was supposed to be pending this very special day
with my love
but it turns out that i was careless
therefore resulted me to working 2 shifts
my boss told me money was important then my bf
well i've been deluding myself lately
convincing myself that it was true
who am i kidding ?
but the end of the day i realize how much it hurts
not spending this special day with him
it hurt till it brought me to tears on my way home
i truly regretted it
suddenly my bosses theory mad me feel absolutely isolated
it was because of my job that i'm not going out with friends
that i feel loveless
ust a machine
working
working
working
that was when i realized that it sting so badly
i was neglecting myself and others
i feel way terrible
all this while i've been in self denial
thinking that money is important
till you lose the people you love one by one
i was thinking
my boyfriend told me h couldn't get me flowers or anything
because he father confiscated his cash
i was doubtful,could it be an excuse?
i realized that valentine's day was an important day
because i was longing for someone to express their love to me
for the past few years
and failed
non have
not even this year
no roses
no bears
no nothing
just me all alone
i just realize how lonely i am
it's so heart wrenching
i hate being alone
then my boyfriend wanted to send a poem by text messaging me
but it was cut off
because my inbox was full
but i was too late to realize it
because he went to sleep
so the feeling of valentine's was gone
distraught finally engulf me with pain and distress
the meaning of today has vanish
sunday wouldn't seem special anymore because the feeling is gone
how truly sad it was
because my boyfriend couldn't be bothered
he just gave me some lousy excuse
and i was worrying so much
we barely meet anymore
or go out frequently
i'm hanging on a string here
it's like he just spends no effort...
we barely keep much contact since he has school
here i am trying to convince myself it's ok but it isn't!!!
here i am struggling because he's so damn thick and oblivious
it's just so hard...because i do everything because of him
i let it go because it's him
i think of him all the time
i'm motivated by it
here i am
not sure what the heck he's thinking about
at all
whether his angry or jealous or happy whatever
i'm clueless
distraught would be an understatement
11:47 PM
Saturday, February 9, 2008
well...the temptation was building up
since the past few days
the urge
the hunger
the thirst
i must have it!
but then i thought
i need to save money
for the future
it's not necessary to have it
i mean im not gonna use it for my daily requirements
plus i have to save up for driving lessons
even if i have the sufficient amount of funds to get it
it's a tough battle
utterly tempting
i wanted to purchase so many things
like a tube dress
my boots
absolutely really high heels
more clothes
bag
more levi's jeans
whatever
now im like some heels and levi's fanatic
so much to get
so i decided i think thinking for the future will benefit me
so that pushed back the temptation for quite some time
it's been a tedious battle
i wanted to boots so bad
just needed to get the cash
get my size and it's all mine!!!
thinking pondering wondering
nah not worth it
i guess
hahahahaha
so the battle continues where i try to continue convincing myself
i couldnt get it
no hosay
till
the last straw came in
the last blow that swept my resistance clean
broken the fort i built to resist the overwhelming temptation
leaving me naked and wrapped with temptation
finally i succumbed to it
determined to get it...
fast
it's as if i was afraid it'd be
gone anytime soon
so that got me rushing
i was imploring my parents to come along with me
jumping with absolute joy
which engulfed me
it was just my dream i had when i was napping
i dreamt that i had the boots!!!
wearing my levi's jeans along with it
that was the one thing that totally unleashed me
so i lost to it
i thought ,i dont give a shit what people are gonna think of me
ith my boots on
i know that i love this boots and they look great on me
and that's sufficient enough
it kinda looks western like what my boyfriend said...
that's the point
i dont wanna have the image of some taiwanese girl
with fur and all
i just want it clear cut
simple
that's all
so i bought it and i gonna show the word who i am
no more hiding behind what people think i should be
when i should be me
feels great to finally have it after all that struggle
they're knee high!!
love it!!!
gonna wear it to church with my jeans
the disadvantage is that my jeans cant fit in so i'd have to fold it up
reveal my boots
that's the purpose
some part of me is doubting
i'm being vain
but then again it's a girls nature
HAHAHA being rational
10:58 PM
Friday, February 8, 2008
i feel extremely bitchy today
must be the damn mood swing
i dont know
ok...i think the purpose of blogs is to share their inner most feelings....
i dont know been dissing about my friends blog....
said that it was utterly boring...daily routine..
i dont see the spark of excitement it holds lmao
lmao
you see...
im lost
i dont know to be nice or nasty?
to be nice....i cant face reality
to be nasty...i cant face myself
im testing out a theory
ive been reading negative things
it works it actually influences my mind
with toxic rubbish
then i expressed it out...by talking to my friend
totally dissing about his blog it was boring and all channeling my negative emotions to him...
now its real easy to channel negative energy to anyone
if you dont keep your trap shut and try to solve it...then i was being andutter pain in the assXD
too much of the office i guess
apparently...i did it without using my brains lmao
got him pissed off
and brilliant
now my moral compass is in the thrash now
its mixed up and mashed up lmao
well..basically i know why
i have been reading psychology
about influences on the mind
i focused a little too much on the negative side..because its much easier
plus by different people...since their views may be completely contrasting...soo ill stick with sigmund freud
which is basically about the sexual influences..not that you think
ANYWAY
enough screwing with mine and other peoples mind...
i dont know...
i hate my job
seems to be giving me unreasonable shifts
night morning night morning
what is wrong with them?
i noticed that others arent experiencing the same thing
their probably somewhere enjoying their day off
chinese new year didnt seem grand to me anymore..it seem to have lost their meaning
guess we just diluted it all
sometimes i just feel like quitting my job
people start to see really ugly there
im confused
i need a solution
not knowing what to based it on
thinking
or
feeling
the big question is...when am i gonna quit?
money doesnt seem like an issue to me
but how am i gonna cope studying traveling far to study ,work and still not be
exhausted out?
its the challenging responsibilities i have to go through
to work and study probably no time for my body to recuperate and tire myself
cause my school is gonna be really far away
im in a moral dilemma here
plus i think i cornered myself....damn it
I NEED SOLUTIONS!!that will work out
2:47 AM
Friday, February 1, 2008
Well today...wasn't really out of the ordinary....but it was still great.
i went to work so on and so forth
but i have learned much from it...like making several new deserts.like the strawberry bonanza...urban bread pudding...chocolate cherry ...and some of the others i forgot..but it takes a lot of effort to do it...
not only that
i have to struggle being a cashier all at the same time which failed terribly ,cause in the end i needed Jesslyn to help me with it while completing the respective deserts...
Gerald my shifu/master was rather pleased and with me because i was kinda independent doing it all on my own...and proud that i managed it without him..although i do need to clarify stuff with Johnathan..plus i could never issue out the half riced cakes on my on...wooo there were too much for me to handle..yea i screwed up a little..but i learn from my mistakes...besides it's never shameful to ask for a helping hand...
when you need it...
anyway moral of the story is...never be ashamed to admit your mistakes, flaws or iniquities....what you should be ashamed of is not correcting them...
12:10 AM
