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Saturday, January 30, 2010


guilty intimate pleasure
ahhahaa
yes im talking about lingerie
i feel better now
i have enough bras to last me a year or 2
yea
sadly
before buying bras
my bra reduced count to 2
=/
yea i know
like crazy right
i have to continuously wear the same one lol
yeaaa
damn i saw these topshop boots
i was absolutely in love with them
nearly bought them
damn
seriously damn
i dont care
one day they will be mine lol
im serious
one day this year
anyways i gotta go out wiht my dad later on one of his malaysia trip outings
today was a fabulous day
considered that i slept as much as i'd like
i packed my clothes
i dunno why looking at the pile of clothes in my closet makes me feel so happy
most probably its because it reminds me of the time
when i bought them
that love and affection for them
love at first sight they call it
more like lust at first sight
hahahahaha
i had a wonderful day
set my comp to render my model
to animate for submission
im pretty sure i could do this
because it takes ages so i let my computer run
while im off to spend money on my bra
yes yes
i know
save money right
but these are my essentials i need a new bra
and now im contented
haha
yes the satisfaction of owning something new
the sheer pleasure of knowing hey you got something new
i dont know i prefer buying intimate things
like garters
and bras
then clothes
i mean i dont know why but i feel much more delighted to know i bought a new bra
then i bought a new shirt
i guess cause intimates are personal
i like buying personal things
yes
i do
why shoes over bags?
cause i think shoes can last a lifetime
as in they never seem to go outta fashion i guess
they just look sexy
they boost your morale i think
ahh they boost your confidence
from now onwards
to stop my vicious temptation of purchasing another sinful pair of heels
ill bear this in mind
you shouldnt buy these yet till your thighs are toned!
which works truly
its amazing
im learning to control myself
i realize if i wanna stop buying expensive things
i gotta spend it on affordable things
to feel that i dont need to spend the money anymore
from now onwards
ive done my fair bit of shopping
hopefully it can last me for a pretty long time
TILL chinese new year
hahahaha
no i should really save money
i really should
it's hard
i admit
i am a shopaholic
i guess? because i'm not rich i just like spending money
i need to control now
LMFAO
and starting of year 3 of poly
hazimah and me are gonna venture
through a healthy
money saving
journey
by cooking at home
and
i repeat no food outside
yes
im thinking
maybe we should leave money at home
means bring no money to school
it reminds me
of primary school
when i wasnt given money
instead i was given food
and i was pretty contented
so this is a challenge
look on the brightside
im training to become a pretty good housewife?
NAH
hahaha
who said i was cooking for you
im cookign for myself
im such a selfish bitch
lmfao
i know
so there's new recipes
new food
ill try to make it halal for my dear friend hazimah to try
ohh i am soo loving this year
i really am
after the submission
wooot
free
but i must learn how to save
i suck at it
damn
damn
damn
maybe im those kinda impulsive shopper
i buy on impulse
damn man


11:29 PM

Tuesday, January 26, 2010


was i crazy?
possibly
i don't feel the pressure still
even though submission is this friday
it's like it's not an issue
i don't feel disturbed
i know odd right?
i'm supposed to be pretty anxious now
but oh well
what's the point being anxious and nervous
i doubt it'll make me finish up my homework faster
anyways i found this photo
was taken on new years eve
when i went drinking for the very first time
Photobucket
Photobucket
yes im still stuck on 3D max excited though
so happy i could use sketch
should have don that earlier
like seriously
anyways im gonna take my time
obviously
not sleeping anymore
yes the things i do
i'm crazy
i know

3:59 AM

Monday, January 25, 2010


Photobucket
ahh they just launched another bomb
TOD final essay
minimum of 1200 words
19 feb, the deadline
alright easy peasy
i'm in class
i skipped first class
i couldnt be bothered to wake up
it would take a great deal of pain
for me to wake up
when i didn't sleep
yes i've been up all frigging night
Photobucket
yea was extremely bored...
this is for your entertainment btw
Photobucket
bauhaus
interesting


11:28 AM

Saturday, January 23, 2010


a lot of people has been dying a lot recently
the end days are really close
i think closer then expected
oh well
what else can we do?
we pray
it's sad to think
one day
you just met this person
the next day
he died from an accident
just like that
i won't feel sad
maybe i'd feel sympathetic
i'm used to people i love dying around me i guess
it doesn't disturb me
it used to
but not anymore
it teaches you how to appreciate the things around you
doesn't it
it's so ironic
all of us
takes things for granted
then
just like that their gone
sometimes you'd wish you'd spend more time with them
get to know them better
well
all that
i think doesn't affect me
i know i may sound cruel and cold
and loveless
maybe itll hurt a lot when it comes to friends
it's harder to let go
i hated death
when i was young
i was afraid my loved ones would die
i would always cry at night
thinking of their deaths
what it really means to lose them
i still do now
i still cry when i imagine my beloved leaves me
because i know inevitably they will have to die
they cant live forever
i know it all to well
yes i think about shit like this when i was 4
why?
because it was the most important thing to think about
it is why
school work
was the least of my problems
you have
people
family
who die
who could die anytime
what could you possibly do?
design their funeral?
how do you mentally prepare for it
the answer is
you cant
you can try
but you know yourself
you can lessen the pain
but
sooner or later theres gonna be another part of your heart missing
and no one can replace that
and this is where you turn to God for help
death is also a blessing
to be off this
world
to meet your maker
no more problems or issues
no more pain to endure


5:02 PM

Friday, January 22, 2010


how do i put this delicately,
i'm willing to do anything but design now
yes im absolutely restless
only thing going through my head is
fashion
make up
i feel misfit
i dont feel where i belong
but oh well
lmfao
im in humongous trouble
i dont feel the urge of completing my work...
i dont wanna do my work
i know what youre thinking
i've been there done that
i'm so much more interested in things like pseudo occult
fashion
fashion
fashion
and rubbish
i cant
bring myself
to do it
i know i can
but i dont wanna
fuck im in deep trouble
seriously
everythings at stake
dear God
please help me
i only have a few more weeks
to go
i just need 2 more weeks
of intense concentration
even a freaking boring book appeals to me
thats how dreadful it is
i know it may not sound like anything to you
but it's a bloody mental struggle
it's funny i have this bloody crisis now
i didn't know it'll be that bad
but oh well
haha maybe cause i realize
this isnt something worth worrying over
it's your soul at stake here
there are far more shit to worry
then meeting assignment dues
so technically
it's the least of my problems
it's most probably why i feel soo
not interested
how did i come out with that conclusion?
i was reading the bible
to try and ease my nerves
when it came to me
and music helps
but the type of music to me is important
it brings it all back to my childhood
anyways this music is the medium of my bubble
sound drowns me from the world
and attend to myself and only myself
it's alike a self reflection kinda thing
i think its hard to phrase it down to words
ahh can't be fucked


10:37 AM

Thursday, January 21, 2010


i dont
feel like doing it
doing design
seriously
im soo sad now
i lost my bloody mojo to do work
my 3d max is being a fucking laggy piece of shit
its pissing me off

1:20 PM

Wednesday, January 20, 2010


seriously i think im growing a dick or something
my jeans is biting my crotch i think it's cause im wearing pad
damn man i might get fucking abrasion
wtf
it's night now
my favourite part of the day
just had pizza hut i think 3 hours ago
was fab
was practically full
felt so sleepy for a period of time
now i understand why boys need to air their balls
maybe its why some boys dont wear tight jeans haha
cause itll smash their balls
and penis together
that it hurts
HAHA
which also explains why they wear it so low
i know i like talking rubbish hahahahaha

7:58 PM

in the library now trying to complete my 3D
damn
oh well
enough said i know where i am
and hazimah says hi
shes right beside me so i could molest her
yes i do molest her with those juicy boobies
haha
i just ransacked and packed my closet yesterday
found a lot of interesting pieces i could wear to school
glad i coul fit into my old jeans
amazingly i found them in my brothers closet
i though i lost them you know where
i guess it misses me
a have a lot of bruises on my legs today
nothing new
hahahahaha
damn bike oh well
no the bike didnt fall
i just knocked unto the bike
how stupid is that
pretty much
anyways
if i was a guy
i will hate this jeans im wearing right now lmfao
thats why their womens jeans
no space for the vag to breathe man
i kid i kid
its probably something
its pissing me off though usually i dont have this issues while sitting down
stretching jeans wasnt very comfortable
fashion is truly a bitch lmfao
either take it or leave it
anyways i found this interesting book titles succubus dreams by richelle mead
yea
intending to read it along with her other books
i need a good book lmfao
miss reading a hell lot anyways

7:43 PM

Sunday, January 17, 2010


well
im here again
doing my work
its always the same thing
when is it gonna end
the truth is its ending soon
whats dragging it soo long?
is me procrastinating
so tonight i shall complete
i mean it
i shall complete at least a drawings
no matter what
even if i had to break a limb
i know im exaggerating but it only means im dead serious about tonight
tonight
today
feels really good
everyday is a blessing
but today feels special =)
i think i know why
i think i dont
but it doesnt matter
no point questioning something you dont understand haha
im only expressing myself for now
i cant express what happened in the morning till now
but generally
today was a great day haha
although its coming to an end
but yea youll know itll come again haha
ok so back to work

10:39 PM

Saturday, January 16, 2010


alright im feeling awesome now
im gonna take a nap
im finally
over the hurt
the shit
and i forgive you
have fun i wish you all the best in life

8:32 AM

i finally realized
why i really hate you
you broke me
yes you
you broke
something in me
and i found out what
you broke me emotionally
you didn't give a shit
don't tell me bullshit
your sorry
sorry cant reverse time
i hate you because i loved you enough
to let you do this to me
youre one hell of a hypocrite
doing what your ex gf did to you
and you had to do to me
is it fair for me
you ask me
why am i an asshole to you
all of the time
you should know why
you emotionally abused me
used me
and again
and again
now you gotta suffer
its my present for you
my absence
is my present
my happiness without you
is my present
my life without you
is the biggest present
watch me and hate me
hate yourself
too
i know you do
and i love it
that youre suffering
cause you deserved it
the time
you took
from me
to hurt me
the friends i lost because of you
so badly
now that i dont love you anymore
i find you fucking ugly
inside out
i dont know
how i managed to bullshit myself
and let you abuse me
you broke me
now i break you
why did i do this
i tried to save you
i guess love wasnt enough to salvage you
well in fact i hope you go to hell =)
haha fat hope trying to come to my church and solving everything
it doesnt work that way
you might hate being in my church
cause ill give you hell
yep now its all out
i feel free now
the truth set me free
to those whos under my wrath
who i vent on because of this pathetic being
im absolutely sorry
well thank you though
youre one good fucking experience
cause i will never make the same mistake twice


7:55 AM

Thursday, January 14, 2010




i am absolutely exhausted
but i must still go on
fuck
these next few days
weeks in fact
is gonna be colourful
yes i ensure you it is
anyways i was having a little fun yesterday
with photoshop
for fun haha
interesting though
HAHAH and absolutely hilarious
here i am in class doing my autocad which seems to take forever
but then again what hasnt taken forever for me
besides eating
damn man i shouldnt have worn boxers to school
feels soo weird
not to mention im wearing something slightly body hugging
and my boxers being boxers keep riding up
damn man seriously irritating
surprisingly
i didnt peel that badly lol
but we shall see shall we
i miss going out =(
i miss my friends
were all too busy for each other
fantastic
utterly fantastic

3:11 PM

Monday, January 11, 2010


i don't feel like myself today
i feel like i've been cursed
i feel evil today
and i cannot grasp why
i feel i shouldn't enjoy people's pain and humility
but today i did
i poked it
made fun of it
it wasn't very me
it was indeed very mean
why did i feel so mean and evil today
i have no idea
what the fuck happened to me
only when i reach home i feel safe and lifted from the curse
enough to see
how ugly i was today
i am going to take back all the mean shit
i know im mean
but i shouldnt be that mean
not so much
that was too ugly


11:44 PM

alright
in class right now
doing school work
as usual
yes submitted my essay
it was just full of crap lmfao
i didnt organize it
it just came out that way
anyways since its a draft
now im doing my plan=/
damn im kinda slow but oh well...
not much in a rush though
fucking internet is soo damn slow
but oh well
i cant be bothered much

1:46 PM

Sunday, January 10, 2010


gah
got a tan man
yes
for real
but its not that bad
i can never get a bad tan
its nearly impossible to tan in the first place
but yea
i went to sentosa and soaked in the dreaful sun
but when i was there
the sun wasnt exactly that terrible
but of course
my close were off
and i only wore a bikini
but if i were to have heaps of close on id probably curse the sun
but yea
it was nice yesterday at the ceach
found a couple of starfish
and
and
i manage to swim to the other side!
how cool is that
i thought i couldnt do it
but i did it
felt so triumphant
yea
and i got an awesome tan
i dont think it made much of a difference
unless i wear a tube
then you can see my sexy tan lines
im still fair though HAHA
but i guess going to sentosa was nice HAHA
anyways im gonna fuck all
and do my essay now

6:25 PM

Friday, January 8, 2010


OMG
lmfao i just felt like saying that
cause im currently listening to oh my god by ida maria
just a trip back to memory lane
watching gossip girl
great show
i miss is soo much though
oh yea yea
i came across this video
it shows that you literally need to have a long dick
to be able to blow yourself
and this walrus proves it!
infact he rather enjoys it
i have a feeling walruses are gonna be extinct
cause they dont need women anymore =)

yes i know HAHA
anyways im in class now doing my work
hwo am i feeling doing my work
meh nothing much
just glad im not dreadng it
in fact im overjoyed
but but
i was late for class today
nothing new though
since ive been sleeping pretty late
i gotta face the music man
ok so today i will hopefully complete my layout plan ok
no guarantee
but i tried didnt i?
no seriously by this week i gotta complete my drawings
next week will be doing my detailed drawings then moving on to 3d max
uh huh
planing out something i might not be able to follow HAHA
sounds like me
i never like carring out plans
i just do
just do it
or maybe not
i have these tendencies
its hilarious
i like laughing at myself

11:59 AM

itss coldddd
i'm doing work as usual...
not sleeping though


1:35 AM

Thursday, January 7, 2010


today i got a little more organized
i got little more motivated
i feel great today
aside from the fact that i failed my practical haha
but its all good
cause i know whats coming
and its just a practice
i feel my spark again
im loving it too
its the drive
my only motivation long enough
to encourage me to do well
or at least want to do well
after my lecturer kelly's speech about interior design
i was like
brought back to the past
when i was soo excited
about whats to come next
i was ready to take on anything
i was inspired again
i finally found my mojo
for DID
then i remembered why i felt so great
cause i enjoyed what i was doing
i had fun
i will always have fun
and i just need to do my best
and id be satisfied
because i already done my best
and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that
i can fail
as many times as i want
eventually
ill reach there =)
bearing the end in mind
DONT GIVE UP
hahaha i was supposed to blog earlier but i got carried away
i was supposed to be cheery
no im just picking the remnants
of those emotions
i felt marveled earlier
i forgot one main important thing
was to never give up
i wanna give it my best
i wanna
challenge myself
i felt
soooo great
cause i love challenges
above all im challenging myself
and i hope to win
i know ill win
=)
and after that
i realized i wanna learn so many things
and put in that spark in everything i do
like dancing
yes i wanna learn dancing
and so much more
i wanna put that word passion in things i do
i wanna feel that contentment
feel that high
feel the eudaimonia hahhaaha
i want to practice excellence
and i am very sure ill get me there

12:27 AM

Tuesday, January 5, 2010


chilly night
i like nights like this
it brings me to peace
provides me the harmony
so i could play
the me inside could come out and play
with the other me's


11:19 PM

Photobucket
AHHH guilty pleasure
no no don't get it wrong
it's not sex HAHA
it's food
Photobucket
i just gobbled my steamy hot dog
yes
i feel like a pig today
i ate quite the bit huh
but my mouth was itchyyy
no ,slapping it wont make the itch go away
finally complete my intech journal
now moving on to TOD essay
i can do this haha
i am definitely not eating anymore tonight
i'm taking a little break right now
anyways this is for you to laugh about
i think it's pretty innovative though
Photobucket

6:34 PM

Photobucket
242424
DAYS LEFT TILL...
i know it seems pretty weird to feel compelled to blog everyday
i find it weird cause i usually dont do it
BUT
anything could happen
and i am compelled to blog whenever i wish to
so here i am in class
thinking soo much though
but what else is new
right?
i dont know if we should call it thinking
its like a subconscious way of thinking
its pretty vague
but sometimes it pops up not by any intention
its just there
beyond our control
so what is another word for the thoughts that pop up randomly
the thought that cannot be explained
but however only you understand yourself
and not anyone else
where it starts to define someone
or maybe you just dont understand that part of you
but do you really need a reason for your thoughts
do you needs reasons for everything?
not really
soooo
no facebook for 1 month
i don't think it's impossible
i believe im not hooked enough to facebook
i dont feel the commitment given to facebook
cause it really takes my time away
from what i should be doing
yes facebook is my distraction
because
it wastes time
filling you in on whatever happens in someone else life
viewing pictures of how people are doing in life
the lies they carry out
the games they play
the scores they try to beat
seriously
facebook?
how does getting to know what happens in someone's life help you get the job done?
unless youre a socialist
then
i think the point of privacy has been mutilated in facebook
i certainly dont wanna know what you ate for lunch
but but
it helps
to get to know when people are in distress
enraged
angst
sad
so you could comfort them
the only thing i like about facebook is that
you're able to share your joy, sad, emo moments with your friends
but of course for me
the point of facebook is to disturb people
i could care less if they just bought gucci shoes
what the hell are you supposed to say if peoples status are "i just got a LV wallet"?
but but i don't mind if people go like i'm wearing pink panties
then i get to make fun of them
for fun
SO aside from that i'm fine
i overslept today
nothing new
im not surprised though
been staying up late all night
theres bound to be consequences but screw it
lmfao
Photobucket
Photobucket
Photobucket
it was cold in the morning
so i had to wear my teddy bear pull over
its soo comfortable
i feel like a teddy bear myself
i feel like i can sleep anywhere in the pull over HAHAHA
i love the fact that it kills the cold
it doesnt need any effort
it just immediately kill the cold
but the horrid part is i feel so damn sleepy
cause its all comfortable
ahhh i tried something new today
well out of the ordinary anyways
i ate an omelet
with my pasta
it smooth fluffy soft eggs wrapped with sausage and mushroom
and not to mention the sinful cheese
mmmmm
ribena seems to be a must everyday
oh well
its a power booster
ill try to abstain from coffee
it screws with your digestive system
it makes you pee a lot
makes you feel like shitting
surely that's bad right?
gosh im gonna doze off for a little while...


10:50 AM

Monday, January 4, 2010


Photobucket
Cat under the mask?
Doing my project now
the seirous is on
cmon people we need to do this for 25 days
then after that
time for celebration
cmon guys we can all do it
fuck shit
im not gonna sleep right for the next 25 days
holy fucking shit
but its kinda mixed feeling
cause i like the rush
in fact i love the rush
i hate it too
completely deprive me of sleep
less time in lala land
boo hoo


7:25 PM

HAHAHA
im feeling like things are gonna turn up alright
i was just dumped the best present ever
awesome!!!
T3C has been launched
and there's so much to do
and the deadline is on the 29th of January
so much to do so little time
im soo excitedd!!!!
AHHHHHH
woooohoooo
i'll type out the list
of things to do
and not to do
like
for the entire month
no more distractions
which means
no facebook
i will update you on my progress
it will get interesting
theres a time to play and a time to work
MUAHAHAHAH
what im gonna do is im gonna have some breaks in between
breaks where i either
sing
and blog
i dunno what else to do
but ill find out
im gonna plan my time wisely
and im gonna make it work
trust me ill make it work
woottt!!!

2:43 PM

HAHA
i'm n school now
regularity and le corbusier rocks!
not really
i oppose the norm and regularity
but anyways
yea first class of the term
doesnt feel like first class
feels like a million draggy classes
yes i hate year 2
im not afraid to admit it
i hate DID
yes it killed my beloved cat
i neglected him
when he needed me the most
i was making model for grades
and it lost a life
but oh well
i gotten over it
im just chill to the bone
until i fine my passion in DID again
i find nearly everything relating to DID a drudgery
i know its not fair
but ive given it a try
lecturers arent really encouraging
but oh well
truly fuck it all

1:00 PM

Sunday, January 3, 2010


funny how one minute i feel like blogging the next i dont
hahahaha
im in the midst of contemplating but what the hell
sooo uhh after an interesting day in church we went to eat
kfc yet again
yea i just ate kfc like probably 3-4 days earlier
then i decided macs
so cool huh macs
then later on i realized i had macs for breakfast on new years
soo i went back to kfc and ordered my usual
pissed me off
cause my stomach was being a bitch
and the lady beside was being a retard
basically voicing out whatever she did
highly annoying i could seriously stab her
she was like
this is mashed potatos
your favourite yum yum
you want to eat
and she does it for the other food
can you imagine
what we had to stand
while trying to consume our food
it completely retarded our consumption speed
with her irritating voice
its not her voice
its that she announces whatever shes doing to the entire world to hear
i feel sorry for her kid
but what do you expect
bad genetic stock
well she was trying to show off to the world her kids are smart
which got on everyone in my groups nerves lmfao
like shut up already
we dont need you to dictate every single life of our moment
its time to eat and shut the fuck up
just when she was about to eat and shut up
she continued talking
the relief we had was completely erased away
completely crap
yes she completely made my meal
undesirable
even
so much so
that i think i dont wanna eat it anymore
she just made me sick
so after the torture feast
we walked around
as usual
THEN THEN
so we were bored ok
decided to enter metro
and check out the slutty outfits
you know me
i have a thing for slutty outfits HAHA
so we wandered around
inevitably chanced upon the bra section
as usual
and i realized i needed more bra
more curiously
what was my size
so i had the lady measure me up
and told me i was down to a C75
i used to be a C80 cause the circumference below my bust was 80
wow
i shrunk HAHA
but i'm worried im gonna shrink boob size
and what im worried for is whether the woman was just saying that to make me happy
you know for the sake of saying
how does she really know its C not a B?
maybe she did it cause she didnt wanna bruise my ego or hurt me
BUT then again she's a woman
and i'm a girl
so girls arent supposed to have egos?
its like i grew balls
like i grew an ego LMFAO
nah everyone has a pride
ego is just a word for the male macho crap
i used to have a word for it
but i forgot
cause it was ages ago
SO i considered it
and i realize fuck it man
regardless of my size i still love my boobs
muahahahahaha
i'm proud of my boobs
they have come soo far
attached to my body
HAHA its like soo awesome
liek the rest of my bodeh
alrigth enough with the self indulgence
but i wish
everyone loves themselves too
dont be ashamed to be in your own skin
black white yellow or green
take pride in yourself
believe that youre beautiful
cause everyone is beautiful in their own special way


5:03 PM

felt like blogging again
dont know why
do you really need a reason to blog
well im bored
and not bored
cause i gotta do journals
i dont feel like doing them
cause i dont see the point
if i see a point i would
but im not motivated
to do intech journal
i dont feel the connection
anyways im gonna attempt the impossible
i guess in a way
im gonna watch 20 episodes of how i met your mother season 3 tonight
till dawn breaks and i have to change for church
no im not joking
i had a great day today
i woke up at 4
yea im gonna do the routine thing
but the key here is
i dont usually tell you abotu my day
so this isnt really a routine thing
maybe more of a cliche?
but i dont really care i just do what i want
i dont need to explain
where was i
i woke up at 4
delayed
i was supposed to do my work
guess it didnt get done
hahaha
im still in the midst of completing it now
really
all i did was place a photo
and write a few words
i know i should be afraid but im not
maybe this entry is too long to read
i dont really care
i just wanna type it out
if you dont read this
too bad LMFAO
really dont give a shit
yes im in my dont give a shit mode
maybe cause its 3 in the morning
and ive yet to complete my stuff that i promised myself
yes the disappointment
i keep procrastinating
why?
i dont know
i feel like changing my entire course of life
i wanna do bible study
i wanna do what i have passion in
i wouldnt say i have passion in interior design
unless in time to come im proven wrong
i used to think i had passion for interior design
but this year i was proven wrong
so i kinda lost faith in it
lost faith in myself
its sad really
yea to do so much and people dont really appreciate what youre doing
its frustrating
its funny how i had high hopes when im in year 2 but it just keeps bashing
at me
it dawns on me
to realize that
so much effort i put in and
it doesnt feel justified
i dont know what were doing anymore
are we creating spaces
or are we creating something else?
whats the link between luxury and space?
how do you define the link
thats the key
were all lost
we dont need non constructive criticism
we need guidance
thats what were in school for
yea i have loads of random thoughts like
ive been reading the bible more often now
cannot wait till im done with the bible so i can read it again
and do commentary
i was singing a lot today with my friend
yea the sorrow is there
that i actually forgot that singing was my passion
but rejoice for i have found it again
im just full of angst
cause im highly pissed with myself for not being able to complete a stupid journal
something soo insignificant
its soo easy and yet so hard to do....
oh yea and my mum bought me a cap haha
i liek it but the question is how do i wear it
i never wore a cap cause it looks horrid on me
i guess yea
so today has been a wild night not in the wild sense
but like
more of a roller coaster
yea hahaha
but im pretty glad my parents are back home safely

2:43 AM

Saturday, January 2, 2010


well it's the brand new year
so much for crappy 2009
i totally agree
and i cant afford to agree to disagree
that 2009 sucks haha
2010 is welcoming us with open arms and legs LOL!
no ill never stop being me
how was the new year for me
all i can say to keep it short
was it was absolutely fantastic LOL
yea hurray for me
yea i dumped my bf a month ago
no dont feel sorry for me
i feel great for real
im not lying to myself
i dont see the point in engulfing yourself in sadness
it actually calls for a celebration
yea i needed a day to myself
to think
again
but the next day
its moving on time
you might call me cruel but i dont really care
if you were in my place you had no other option
when you choose its either him or yourself
i chose myself
he was trying to slowly erode away who i really was
turning me into someone i shouldnt be
if he couldnt accept me well he can jolly well fuck off
I asked God though before doing it
and He answered me
I'm very clear of what God thinks of me and him
what weve been doing
continuously sinning against him isnt exactly my forte
yes i've decided to take religion to the next level
i'm commiting to it now
rearranging my priorities
i told him when i turned 18 i would change
and sure enough i did
or maybe i didnt change
i changed back to me
with new guns to play with HAHA
and yea when i turned 18
i had a serious talk with myself
what the hell was i doing?
going farther away from God
would God want it this way?
he says he will go to church soon
will he really?
how sure are you he will commit his faith to God
how sure are you that he didn't do it for your sake
when he's supposed to do it for God and not you
i couldnt stand it when he asked me not to go church one day and stay with him
so i chose
and picked God
because it became obvious that i can no longer rely on him
i used to think i can put my entire life in his hands
but then
it all changed
and slowly slowly he neglected his responsibilities
even though hes like 20
he should be the mature one
but he wasnt
he was selfish
very selfish
selfish enough to blame everyone around himself but himself
including me
yea you can tell me you love me
but do you really
you just need a companion
you dont need me to love you
you just need me to fill that empty void
i know i was important in his life
but i really dont care
cause as of then he isnt my life
i didnt want to live the life with him
on the day i was 18
the sour sour part of me
the realistic part of me
gave me a rude awakening
the part where i count on
when i go astray
she would grab me back to the surface
slap me a few times
funny huh im slapping myself
oh well just wanted to say things ended that way for a reason
anyways like i always said i cant really put everything down on this blog
there are things id rather keep to myself i hope you guys understand
but i just feel that i typed enough for today LOL


6:42 PM

Artsy Tartsy

Every month I'd post different photos
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F**K THAT


I'm just crazy alright?

Me...

18...not that you should care , but it's the basics to actually know my age

My cats are gorgeous and shall rule the world!
I LOVE CATS!!!...
Halloween baby
technically I can't be bothered with the opposite sex trying to hit on me now...

Life is going to be spectacular this year and i can feel it, told you i'd change when i'm 18... what am i talking
about life has been and always will be crazy
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