Saturday, January 1, 2011
How depressing of a new year this was
I had to wake up doing my project early in the freaking morning
although on the bright side my husband called me in the morning and i love his voice so bad
makes me so wet
yea!
awesome
also having a slight tummy ache
well not really slight.
so i was thinking
why was new year such a big deal
it's just another day away
no difference
well im wrong
apparently
everyone sort of have a fresh start
slates are sort of clean
people following their new years resolution
the year to change i say
i could probably feel it
but thats bullocks cause were always changing
but maybe this year for me id change
maybe that was my new years resolution
well not exactly change drastically
more like an upgrade
oh ho this year there would be a drastic change
this would also be the year that marks me 20 decades on this ridiculous plane
just telling you why this insignificant year could be one of my most significant year ever
anyways before i start enslaving myself
i thought it would be nice to blog
here are some teasers to what im gonna be blogging about this year
well basically tumblr is going to have massive effects
part of my life now
design is major part of my life
fashion too
i'd try to dress around and be bold.
nothing to lose
oh oh and im getting something awesome when i'm done with my last year in school
uhh living with my husband in england
im devoted to becoming a camwhore there
dress all nicely cause i can
maybe all too nicely but who cares really?
although saying this i may not exactly be bothered
6:27 AM
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
I'm bored out of my wits.
Don't get me wrong
I merely post this cause i was bored
I know i haven't post anything for ages
I've clearly been busy
I've been to Korea
I'm in the middle of my FYP
and right now?
I'm sat in my rearranged room with new sofa and new aircon
could be coughing my lungs out
no i don't smoke either
ive got lung infection cause of the cleaning of my 10 year old filthy house
that gathered so much dust
yea its the christmas season and im feeling lady gaga today
not that ive been feeling christmassy at all
i still gotta make it to church tomorrow for service
i've been extremely lonely this past couple of weeks
my husband, my matt went back to england again
trust me this would be the last time were apart
i'm not gonna sob about how much i miss him and cry nearly every night
because he isn't there beside me
well all i can say is that it's been a beautiful amazingly wonderful year this year
Majority of it was because i found the love of my life
and now everything is so crystal clear
time has flown i realized because 5 years passed
i met him from guild wars
and now here we are engaged and apart
physically apart anyways
why i havent been posting was because im busy with him
clearly hes my top priority
although needless to say i miss blogging
although now people have been resorting to twitter and facebook
i find blogging a heart filled slow paced embrace
because you take the time to read what the blogger has to say
you're brought through an intimate journey that many people take for granted.
it's nice
oh and i've got a new black kitten edition
it's amazing time is
just in 1 year so many things changed
my future i expect for myself altered
looking back at the past
what i've been through is amazing
i'm sorry i dont post enough for you to understand
but hey at least we should be grateful were here now
in 3 months or less i'm graduating
gonna get my own apartment
working for real
being in england for 6 months
when i was 12
i never really thought of the future
because i didnt need to
now its here to bite my ass and ask me to grow up
and do adult things
but at least im not doing it alone
and i think ill be a kid most of the time
it's funny how i worry so much
i still do but
i dont have to do it alone
it makes a shit loads of difference
like i've got a beautiful person to count on
and for a fact
we are gonna lead a beautiful life
So upon graduating from interior design?
what have i learnt
hmm well
honestly
i dont learn from lectures
i'm a kinestatic learner unfortunately
and my memory fails me
i've forgotten a lot that i've learnt
so instead i read checked out blogs
not to mention fashion blogs
read a little
i love reading
forces me to think and understand.
what is space?
it isnt a platform
it isnt confined in walls
it's produced and reproduced
it's a series of interaction that is made
that is experienced
by different people with different experience
and that fabric that is created when you build peoples experience over time
and my job?
is to create this space
11:56 PM
Saturday, August 21, 2010
I couldn't really sleep tonight, because something feels amiss.
My heart feels heavy probably due to the overwhelming emptiness i'm trying very hard to suppress
My hands felt light like something was supposed to be there to leave an impression
Room looks empty, absence of you begins to creep up on me at night
dee dee lies beside me missing you too
i guess this is how it feels like when you miss someone
you don't miss the figment of the person
you miss how he makes you feel each morning staring into your eyes
you miss the caress of each other every other day
you miss the breathe of him against your skin
you miss the feel of his soft hair
you miss the feel of his skin
the softness of his lips
the gentleness of his embrace
suddenly things aren't the same when he left
i miss him because he's apart of me now, and it's probably impossible to think about parting
and because i miss him so, it affects my daily life without him
eating, sleeping, shitting
all just seem like i'm doing them for the sake of keeping myself alive
it somehow made the world seem duller
only our sanity kept us company, choosing to ignore facts
lying to ourselves everything would be okay.
but everything isn't ok, you just have to deal with it
that's all
i can't fully express myself because words aren't enough to begin to understand what it feels like
it isn't just emotions i'm dealing with but psychologically affects us physically
i love you matt
2:39 AM
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
right sooooo i'm at home now
totally camwhored a little in school today
couldnt help it i just love my camera and me
me and my oversized pimples
been stressed lately
and apparently my face has a way to tell me how unhappy my body is
i love this one
i could see through the scarf
was fun
it's 11pm
can't believe i took 5 hours for this post
no i didn't i took a 3 hour nap
hahaha i was looking at my cat dee dee specifically
and wondered if she ever understood what i was saying
that wasn't just a passing thought
like how it usually is when you talk to your cat
i seem to have thought about it long and hard
like it was worth considering
i just woke up by the way
muffins getting a wand up his ass
honestly i wouldnt mind though
it's odd that i don't mind
what's the point of being raged, as long as he's having fun i'm fine
as long as it's not at my expense
i don't even know what i mean
right my thoughts are gonna be extremely random
cause it's pretty much how i see things and think about things and how i forget things
so upon thinkign about muffins
it's amazing what naps could do
but the best part is shitting
yes i said it shitting
i woke up and there was this clench deep down within me
and i just have to push it out of my system
so i half crouch to the toilet because the pain was getting rather sharp and unbearable
and immediately my brain started working
it's amazing isn't it
what a good way to start the day
i seriously think there is a relation with me shitting and how im having verbal constipation
the frustration and repression
oh siggy you genius i miss you so much
because i was think matthews called caught me off guard
as expected i didn't say much and pretty much laugh my way through
my head wasn't functioning well because it just started up
cause it was hilarious as i was picturing leon getting his dick snapped by a swan
he probably deserved it
right wait let me finish one thing at a time
so i was talking to my cat and she responded back
surely she gets what im saying right?
she stared at me like how youd stare into the eyes of the person
to have an engaging conversation
so my cat and i had a moment
that i haven't really noticed
i think i could hear her
somewhat
if im not crazy
i think she asked me how was my sleep
and i think i told her to fuck off
i mean who knows what im saying?
even i don't know
but i'm pretty much imagining it
now shes sleeping on my blanket that has my scent on it
i have decided to blog then start on metropolis
my power of procrastinating is extremely high but surely ill get it done today
or else i cant move forward to my model
right and i was shitting
and it felt as if each shit i dropped
the canal between my thoughts and my brain
starting clearing
like there was something interrupting my train of thought
and it stops me from thinking
so apparently shitting helps relieve that blockage
or it could that useful nap
so i began thinking about the effects of a handphone
its both a blessing and a curse
a curse being we can't live without it
trust me no matter how hard you tried
the society made it impossible to live without one
it's a blessing because when you call someone
it brings you closer to them
i don't know i experienced it when my baby called me all the way from uk
and i thought about it not too long ago
like how sms had an amazing impact on each of us
significantly because were so far apart and just when i text him
i somehow felt closer
like as if he were next door
of course he'd grin his ass off
because it makes this real
it's just amazing that technology would make you feel that way
only recently i began realizing this effect
that technology no longer becomes cold to us
it itself is developing an identity
its starting to create its own value
and how much we hate that we can't live without it
and probably AISEXUAL might not be impossible afterall
so i'm obliged to tell you how my day was
since this is a blog post i might as well do with it
what came to mind and what i could remember was that
hazimah and i participated in SD Talentime
how did we go?
well let me explain the situation
you know how prepared you are before you enter the judging panels
you were so sure you could pull this through
but as you take a step towards the judging panel
your sheer will and determination wears off
and turns into this fine line
and a lot of nerves
well that was me
and yes i fucked up a little
my knees were clearly shaking
but they loved us
XD
thank god for hazimah to cover me when i forgot the lyrics
but damn they love us
just hope were going to the next round
and results are next week
they clapped and did not ring the bell
clearly they were thoroughly enjoying themselves right
i hope im not being too presumptuous
by the time were done
it didnt feel like we just did the auditions
it was all too rushed and hastening
wooo i just burped my chicken rice
chicken breathe
right i was also checking out how i cannot seem to recall any dreams
or i may not have dreams pretty much
but science tells me its whether one can recall it at all
so people whom usually cant recall is because they are extremely pressured psychologically
maybe subconsciously i am psychologically challenged
but is not recalling dreams a bad thing
it didnt seem to me like it is
i just think that if i dreamt it means im disturbed or bothered by my subconsciousness
i was told once when i was a kid
that if i have no dreams
i had a good sleep
so i began embarking on a journey to find out what they got to say
i just think that the way my brain works is divine
so surely there must be a reason why i cant recall my dreams
OR i don't have dreams
probably to protect me from something?
all i could think of was how it would protect me from evil
i always think that dreams are like the tunnel
connected towards God
so whatever message or mail he wants to send
he'll send it to me through my dreams or something
all these dream talks are making my mind woozy
i still remembering have massive amount of dreams when i was young
and now it just stops
safe to say i have lost my dreams hahahaha
well i'm all out of juice
my brain doesn't wanna work anymore
no thats a horrid excuse
i just dont feel like typing anymore
i shall experiment this
recalling my dreams and sleeping more hours
importance of dreams is that it helps expose our subconsciousness
helps freud in that sense with his slightly flawed sexual repression theories
5:40 PM
Just felt like blogging today
felt like i was neglecting something
made me feel a wee bit guilty
responsibility right?
no why im blogging today is because my lecturer just launched the documentation assignment
i'm not particularly good at documentation
haha i laugh, i'm not disciplined
i'm extremely inconsistent
but i could try right? no harm done
HAHA i'm doing this out of obligation
maybe both
i believe its possible to act out of obligation and instinct
SO uhhh
right i don't know what to talk about
my lecture?
PWD- person with disabilities
do not call them handicapped
be sensitive
what about them
how we have to comply with them
so when building
there are certain regulations that you must follow
ill start boring you now
although oddly it isnt boring me
we have to be extremely sensitive
for example water pressure of a tap has to be looked into
why we go through so much hassle is that
unfortunately singapore isnt exactly good with fertility
which means they dont indulge in much sex
i mean like how can you not?
its an act of art!!!
even the japanese does a great load of sexual activity
WE ARE SEXUALLY DEPRIVED
i'm not sure about my parents
they have pretty healthy sex lives even at the age of 40
woot go parents!
well i'll give you an explanation
for why our population is depleting and why our aging population is rising
well singapore has pretty much been career driven
we always want to be the best
i mean who doesnt right?
and because that were such a puny country
we have to work twice as hard to make it out there
shortage of labor etc.
so we have massive amount of career woman
whom choose to marry later
and thus wanting to start a family would pretty much be delayed
or worse not start a family at all
i guess it wasnt a need for them
probably be considered a burden and they dont wish to be tied down
so you then ask me what has this got to do with PWD and designing for them
since there is the depleting population
it emphasizes the pressure of aging population acting on the future youths
generally our future clients would be the aging population
and aging population are mostly disabled one way or another
whether on wheelchair or blind
we uh need to be sensitive
and reanalyze the ergonomics for the PWD
we are designing for the future
and aging is inevitable
you know it feels like sometimes i dont have a mind of my own
right im bored of um blogging now
i really do have a short attention span
its a bad thing i think
9:40 AM
Friday, July 2, 2010
it's probably been ages since i've blogged as usual
um just a quick update
it's true i'm sorta engaged
to whom?
to someone extremely special
i feel so selfish i don't wanna share about it
nah i do
he deserves that much and i'm proud of him
he just makes my heart leap and cry out for him
whenever i think of him
it gives me that warm surge that invades my very cold body
i know you must be UGH stop all the mushy stuff
but no im not gonna stop it
its my blog after all
gosh i just love him so much
it's just not something you can reason with
3:40 PM
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
haha i just had a major rude awakening today
it was an intervention
it made me change my rooms layout a little
and made me change a little today
the thing im afraid of is that this intervention stays today
may not last tomorrow
next thing you know, i'll be throwing my clothes all over the place
i hope this lasts
i hope ill make it last
10:16 PM
